I am scared. I am scared of being in a relationship and I have no idea why. It is an indescribable fear because I do not understand it. I am almost 20 years old and I have been single my entire life. I have never been on a date. I have never kissed a man. The only relationships I have had are friendships. I am not embarrassed by these facts, and I most certainly do not dwell on them. I do think about it a lot sometimes though….I can’t deny that. Now I have had two serious crushes my entire life and had told these two crushes that I had feelings for them. The feelings were not mutual and that was that. I was rejected twice and it definitely hurt at first, but I moved on from it. I understood that not everyone is going to share the same feelings for you and that is okay. That was almost two years ago, and since then I have come to the conclusion that maybe I am not ready for a relationship and/or maybe I am just too scared to be in a relationship. Both scenarios don’t make any sense to me because I don’t understand what I am so afraid of. Especially though, I am scared of having and/or even admitting to having any kind of feelings for anyone because I don’t want to feel that hurt of rejection again. I don’t want the person to look at me different if I am open with them about my feelings and they don’t feel the same way. I don’t want to go in a dark place again. I don’t want to feel vulnerable. I don’t want to feel lost in my mind – a mind that will be filled with thoughts that take, what feels like, ages to go away. And I especially don’t want my heart to hurt, because no pain is like the pain one feels in their heart. I don’t know why I feel this way, I really don’t. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It really doesn’t make any sense to me. I just wish this fear could go away.

chezzzzz:

I’m the type of person who needs to be reassured that they’re loved because I often feel like I’m easily forgotten and I start to feel like everyone hates me. It’s extremely selfish and I know the world doesn’t revolve around me but I have a lot of love to give, which is why it would be nice to have that love reciprocated.

pill-y:

Slept on the roof with my best friend. Watched a sky full of stars at night and woke up to the sun rising over the ocean. Such an amazing weekend.

pill-y:

Slept on the roof with my best friend. Watched a sky full of stars at night and woke up to the sun rising over the ocean. Such an amazing weekend.